we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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