so let's talk penis.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
