Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
