my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
