And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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