If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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