haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
