I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
did you just send me my own nude
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
