He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
