So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
