The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
