I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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