my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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