Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
