i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
