you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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