She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize