And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Ketchup is God's man juice
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
