o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
