stop calling my apartment porn island.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
