No more Irish car bombs ever.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
