I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
two words...techno handjob
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
