You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
