so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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