I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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