I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
