I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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