Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
