Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Holy sore nipples Batman
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
