when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
