Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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