Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
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