Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
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