do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i think we sleep fucked last night...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
