i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
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