sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
