you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
