Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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