dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
