i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
