You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
