Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
