dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
