Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Where did you get a picture of my penis
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
