just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
