i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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