Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
