how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
