Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
