Someone shit on the floor
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
