Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
