i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
