I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
