can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
