Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
