i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
