Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
