Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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