My room smells like vodka and shame
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
