Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
