If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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