my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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