I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
