hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
