In America we eat man semen.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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