her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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