I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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