meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
