Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
