I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
