Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
