Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Randomize
