whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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