I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
